"Lost" & Found..? New! Now 30% More Lost...

Warning: Those of you who are wise and haven't been drawn into this show will not get this, and those of you who do still might not.

When I tuned in to the very first episode of LOST, I tuned out as soon as they started talking about a mysterious monster on the island. I was like, "Oh, right." Flash forward two years to season three's two-hour bring the uninitiated up to speed episode. Okay, I'm hooked.

To say LOST is convoluted is a bit of an understatement, and with its irregular schedule -- on two weeks, off four; on three weeks, off two; on nine weeks, off three -- you really have to want to watch it. I'm convinced that the mental gymnastics required to keep track of the plot intricacies will help to stave off age-related brain function declination, or ARBFD, which I just now this minute made up.

What is LOST? My first thought: The plane survivors are all dead and in Purgatory (thank you, Dante) and they just don't know it. Or is Benjamin Linus really an Avenging Angel out to defeat the Enemy (Charles Whitmore)? Or is he an international man of mystery? Or just a master manipulater?

Ghosts seem to be able to apparate at will. What's with Jacob in the cabin? Why is Benjamin so afraid of him?

Then there's the Kate-Sawyer-Jack triangle. Doesn't she know she should be with Sawyer? Yes, he's a bad boy, but she's a bad girl. Does she want to do the sensible thing and be with Jack (who turns out in a flash forward to be addicted to pills and a general mess)?

John Locke (who shares his name with the 17th-century English philosopher whose ideas formed the foundation of liberal democracy), scientific whiz-kid anomaly, medical miracle. The island really likes John. He's the Chosen One.

Who are these people? Why were they all mysteriously drawn to the island?

Why doesn't the island want women to have babies? (Is it because they're really all dead? See above Purgatory reference.)

At the conclusion of the last episode, the bad guys from the ship closing in, Locke tells the others when they ask him what the mysterious Jacob has instructed, "We move the island." How metaphysical. Or is it really physical?

Desmond -- time traveler or prescient?

Are the "Others" time travelers or ghosts? Or is that one and the same on the island?

Is the island an alternate reality? An alien planet existing on its own plane of existence that was accidentlly accessed through a hole in its magnetic field? Is it a time portal? Is it a world within a world?

Will Desmond ever find Penny?

What's up with (my favorite) Hurley? He sees the flight numbers everywhere and thinks he's insane when he may be the only sane one. Or is this whole show a figment of his imagination as he sits on the bench in the psyche ward?

What is with the mist monster?

Are the writers making this up by the minute? (I think so.)

Husband won't admit he likes the show, but there he sits with me, shaking his head in disgust at the end of each episode. "Well, another hour LOST." Come on, it's fun.

All of these answers we are all assured will be revealed by the middle of 2010. Not a long way off at all.

At least, from now on, when faced with a seemingly impossible task, I know what to do. Move the island.

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Update: Some Thoughts on the LOST Season Finale

Yes, there were answers, but, oh, so many more questions. Those Lost writers, boy are they ever tricky. Ben did move the island. By turning a giant wheel. Oh, okay. That explains it. Very clear. Where did the island go? Well, that pesky question may not be answered for a long while. Sources say that the entire next season takes place off the island. (Oh, no!)

Desmond reunites with Penny. Yay!

We find out how the Oceanic 6 (plus 1) make it back to civilization.

Flash forwards, flash backs. Mental gymnastics performed.

At the very end we learn (with a little bit of telegraphing) that John Locke is the one in the casket. Oh, the humanity. One of my favorites, the enigmatic Locke. Why oh why? How did he end up there?

The best line of the night came during this exchange:

John Locke: "Is he talking about what I think he's talking about?"

Benjamin Linus: "If you're talking about time traveling bunnies, yes."

As a viewer of LOST, I think I've figured out its purpose in my life. Patience. By tuning in each week, I'm learning valuable life skills: How to deal with frustration, and being open to different (implausible?) plot devices. So LOST is actually making me a better person. Who knew?